Frus-station

"The train arriving on platform no. 2 is 12 coach slow local for Churchgate. It will stop at all the stations."

             Woah. Mumbai. Local trains. Traffic. Rains. Traffic. The Sea. Traffic. Night Life. i haven't witnessed one. Traffic.This is Mumbai for me. It's a mad mad place with mad mad people. Mum, Wiser men kept telling me Mumbai is not that easy but hell i wanted Mumbai, i wanted to live life the Mumbai way. Man, what a dumb ass i was. A Complete Idiot.

            Well, the above mentioned statement welcomes you when you go to Andheri Station. That's where i go.Daily. I catch the train to Churchgate. The first day i took this train, i was full of enthusiasm, positive energy, I had no place to sit in the train but still i was happy standing at the door, wind rushing through my hair. I felt confident. Felt i could take over the world. Felt like i was the only one. Again, A Complete Idiot.

           A few days, weeks passed before i realized that i wasn't the only one. There were thousands of girls (or should i say women :| ) like me carrying a LARGE handbag in one hand, cell phone in the other and ears plugged to an iPod. By LARGE handbag i mean a LARGE handbag. Extremely large and shiny one. It has to be large coz it carries everything from a comb to make up kit to atleast 3 tiffin boxes to a pair of shoes and what not. And shiny, that's because people here are freak.

            Initially, i wondered why were the people here in so much of a hurry. Hurrying to climb the train, hurrying to get down, hurrying for everything. Then i was introduced to the Mad Mumbai Race (MMR). MMR is basically a virtual race. To explain in details it would be when people are in office they are hurrying up work and thinking of going home early. When people are at home they are thinking of leaving early to avoid traffic. When they are on the platform they are thinking of jumping into the train and grabbing the seats, when there is an empty train coming they are still jumping into the train grabbing the preferred seats. When they are getting out of a train they want to rush to catch an early bus. When they are in the bus they want to rush to catch the earliest train. They talk to their husbands, yell at their boy friends, scold their children, fight with the 'bai' on phones. Their life is a mobile phone. Now i know, why Mumbai is a fast paced city. They have to win the MMR.

If this is what a mumbaikar is, i don't want to be one. Although i am afraid i have become one already. :O
Let's hope my train doesn't stop at Frus-station.
Well it does stop there daily, otherwise there wouldn't have been a topic for this post. *Sigh* 




 

Who Moved My Cheese?

Who Moved My Cheese? And Why?
And why is it difficult for me to accept this fact? Why can't i accept it and move on? Why instead of changing myself, i want to change the situation?

It's not that i can't adjust. That, i perfectly can.
It's not even that i haven't read the titled book. I read it ages ago.

Perhaps it is because i do not want to change for others, due to others. But i forget it's not that i will change for them, i will change for myself. I will change for my improvement. My stubbornness will only harm me and my loved ones, which i certainly do not want.

In today's dark world, very few people value you and love you and want better things for you, and it is for them you must change.

Change is inevitable. Growth is optional. Choice is mine.

Growing Up...Growing Down...

It seems like a million, zillion years passed since i went to school. Every morning while undertaking the painfully short-distance-wise-but-long-time taking journey in a three wheeled man made machine which has gained no less an importance than a god’s own vehicle... yes the black coloured, cacophonic autos... I see these little children wearing half pants with a dirty sweater, almost bursting square bags, water bottle in one hand and a lollypop or a Rs.2 Pepsi (is it Rs.2 now or Rs. 200, you can’t say!) in the other hand...

I remember when I went to school my some of my worries included the high probability of me getting punished because of reaching late or because of having overgrown nails or wearing lose socks (which happened at the most twice a month when the other pairs were drenched..esp during the rainy season). Forgetting books was not much a worry because i was particular in that department although the one day in an year when i would forget a history textbook, my teacher used to get this brainwave of punishing or worse taunting the girls who had forgotten theirs!

Other things that disturbed me and all of my fellow mates was that her lead pencil was the shortest or her crayon stick wasn’t ‘fat’ enough or worse what if it rained in the games period and you wouldn’t get to go out and play your favourite game of throw ball! Or worse for people like me who liked running like horses or like phoebe on the ground when the only games class used to get converted to some stupid boring ‘Marathi’ class.

And when it was your birthday, you would announce it proudly a week earlier to the entire class about the oncoming auspicious day. And on the auspicious day, you would get ‘sweets’ for everyone irrespective of the fact that they have brought gifts or not. And the whole class very enthusiastically sang a ‘Happy Birthday’ with loud, happy claps and you standing, blushing in the front and whispering a ‘Thank You My friends’ in the end... and then you would get a wet kiss by the teacher on your cheek (which i generally avoided and tactfully wiped off). All in a Happy, happy birthday... no mental math calculation of treat (if any) money or unknown faces asking for ‘treat’.

But alas, good things die early. Now that i am dreading the oncoming of my ‘auspicious day’ i wonder how and why things change. Now it’s more like ‘Happy Birthday (I don’t care), TREAT!(is all that i care about and i can contri any small amount of money for the formal cake and oh yeah i won’t even sing because i am drooling over the cake).

I don’t want a fancy cake with my name in icing. I don’t even want anyone to wish just for the sake of it... all i want are a few wishes that come from heart (and some gifts too! bwahaha) because i need the wishes baby! I am growing old and i am not a tad bit happy about it! I wish i just don’t get up on my birthday and directly wake up on the next day, just skip the 24^th! As Joey says ‘Why God! Why?!’

Man, i refuse to grow up.

Can't say bye.

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work.
Someone would leave.
Someone always leaves.
Then we would have to say good-bye.
I hate good-byes.
I know what I need. I need more hellos. -Charles M. Schulz

He has said the exact same words which keep bobbing up and down in my mind whenever i have to leave a friend to another city..another world..

Every time i say "bye" a dementor swoops over sucking the soul out of me. Tears dry up somewhere, and what is left within is a hollow feeling, a frightened heart, an emptiness. The train leaves to another station, the whole world moves ahead and i am still there, refusing to step forward without my friend. What remains with me is only the echoes of our endless mirthful laughter, our unadulterated joy, our innocence, our child-like talks; unaware of the ghosts that await us, the monsters waiting to divide us...

Unlimited talktime can help but can never create the magic that is weaved when friends are together... come back dear friend..come back.

The Black One..

The Black One refers to my newly purchased Spanish Guitar with F-curve holes.. wait..did i just write this in small uninteresting letters?? Well, i must be stupid then!
Because now me..yeah me.. is the co- owner (unfortunately it is also co-owned by my brother) of this gifted musical instrument! :D
Back in school my best friend and I had this dream...oops, these dreams... that we had promised each other we would make them come true before we die... kinda like the bucket-list.. It included stuff like flying a plane, bungee jumping, going for a road trip, owning an island, smacking someone hard on the face esp when that person is an excruciating- pain- in -the- neck,playing in a band.. well these are not exactly "dreams" dreams... but we had promised each other we would make these little things happen!
But then distance separated us... kilometers came in between..and we were no longer conjoined.
Why do i always wander away from the topic? Anyway, due to intense boredom and a real REAL enthusiasm to learn a guitar (and the fact that my bro's guitar lessons..his emotional atyachar..) let me to buy this awesome piece... and it has caused sort of a verbal fight between me and my best friend (even though she is in the rasgulla land). yeah,i had told her we would be learning guitar together, but we were kids that time.. we dint mean it.. :P
And now here i am all set to learn guitar from my kid brother... who has given me initial exercise of "up down" and finger exercise on the frets..and it has made me realize..IT'S NOT THAT EASY AS IT LOOKS... i had just seen people with curly open hair,tongues out, moving their fingers in rapid action and it had led me to thinking... hey, those long- hair-tongue-out guys can do it..it must be a piece of cake... BUT NO!... i have suddenly realized how disproportionate my fingers are! they are short, stubby, not at all flexible...and running my fingers on the strings gives roughness and scratches... ugh! and while practicing i do take out my tongue in concentration and look super uncool! (now i know the reason behind the tongues out! :P )
And whenever i think of giving up... the Black One leans on the the wall and winks at me... and i start all over again! many people (guys) say guitar is their best friend (esp after a gal has ditched them) and my brother is following their lead... hmm. But right now all i m focusing on "happy birthday 2 u", "old mac Donald had a farm" and "dhoom machale" and my long term goals are "summer of 69" and some other songs..i hope i will be able to play soon...

I am planning to give a name to the Black One... something respectable like "Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington" or something ultra-Marathi like "wamanrao" or something common like "Bob"...
I guess Black One will be fine for now...

P.S. : i love my first 6-string :) tongue out! :P and rock sign! \m/

pop! goes my heart

pop!goes my heart... is the latest song sensation that has gripped me! Not because Hugh Grant has sung it or has danced cutely in the movie (well..but that also could be one of the reasons.. ;) ...anyway...)

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
And I just can't let you go,
I can't lose this feeling.

Thus goes the chorus of the song, which is my favorite part for the sheer reason of the simplicity with which the idea is conveyed...
Because "losing my head" is my favorite sport. Losing my head over the things i have lost and not able to find, losing my head over "what to wear" in college, losing my head in thinking "am i a loser or what?", losing my head when i see a particularly cute "my kind of a guy" with a blonde... and then pop! does go my heart...

And about "falling in love" don't even talk about it. Because that's my second favorite. Be it love for a guy (which is a lot many times! here lies the beauty of pop! going my heart) , be it love for a vacation spot (which i generally never want to leave... be it the awesomness of Gangtok or the sea-breeze of Mumbai... ), be it the non existent college department ( !..i knw!), or be it watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S., attachment is my weakness... and to detach myself from these simple things doesn't only let my heart go pop! but it goes bang! and i really just can't bear this feeling of going, moving away or detaching... (doesn't mean at all that i am a cry baby...coz i m not!) it's just that everytime this happens there is a teeny tiny bubble bursting in my heart and the phenomena of losing my head takes place...

i guess it's a disease or just that i am stupid...

but pop! goes my heart... ;)

Shadow Of the Day

Don't know why but i just love this song...

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

Guess, i have just realised that i am going to miss my college immensely i have switched back to listening Linkin Park songs. They somehow make me nostalgic and the train full of memories runs across my mind...

Relieved...

I wonder who might have got this brain-wave of introducing campus-placement...

Who might be the person who gets to decide the cut-off's, the papers, the college to go, the eligible branches...

"6.75 is an awesome number, let's put that as the cut off; chemical engg...wat the hell is dat...that's not even a branch of engg...lets not make dat branch eligible..." this might be the thought process of a person who must have been a loser in his engg college and who has now come to recruit people...

One veeru is enough for a life time who introduces random cut off's, random conversion factors...

(there is a veeru lyk character in vnit...with the same frown, erratic ism, competitiveness, dark circles around the eyes, and altogether a demon like appearance).

At first i thought i could land up with any company as i was in vnit..then slowly i realized that my branch sucked and that my future was bleak..and then with the recession my hopes were crushed by a bulldozer...

But then slowly companies arrived but the cut off! i still can't believe i couldn't clear it! frustrated, embarrassed, i was spitting fire on the veeru lyk guy frm colg and the one guy who got to decide the cut off's...

Restlessness had become a part of me... constant worry, tension, negative thoughts made me paranoid. i slept with a calculator each night so that at least i could clear my cut off in my dreams...

But then the day arrived... God appeared in the form of a prof...helped me clear my cut off (i was stuck behind it... dat cut off number had imprisoned me) and made me "eligible" for TCS.

Then TCS came... apti:-cake-walk... Ti-interesting, HR- INTERESTING... and anki was through... not ecstatic, not over the cloud, nothing..no feeling..was devoid of all the emotions...just relieved!

Was so relieved to have broken the cut off's shackles that even the fact that TCS had offered me a job, all i wanted to do was to have a good night's sleep without the calculator...

i felt equally relieved as the person who gets to pee after he has tortured his bladder for quite a few hours in a windy weather...

TCS is not great... but hey! i am employed now... i have crossed the bridge... people have asked for parties... relatives are faking "happy"... free advices are being thrown... grandparents are telling the story... mum-dad still can't sink in the fact... bro is demanding... and all i can do is heave a great sigh of relief!

Thank you pinky-who took my Ti, Baldy-who took my HR, my prof- who released me from the cut off prison... huh!

An Year to the Day...

A year to the day… A year to the burning Taj… A year to the heart wrenching CST photos…

A year to my blog…

Something’s having changed…some not…

Moshe is a year older… he has been orphaned for a year now… caring tears have flown out for him…

Kasab is a year older… he has been repudiated by his parents now… angry, loathsome tears have flown out for him…

Millions candles have been burnt… thousands SMSes have been sent… gatherings in whites… parades in crisps… Numerous salutes… firings in the air… debate by intellectuals… blogs by fellow bloggers…

In spite of all this what stares back at us? A wounded country… a lost bullet proof jacket… ghosts of the past… kasab in jail… inclement terrorists… restless blood hungry youth… patient diplomatic geopolitical leaders…

What about Moshe? What about justice? What about the Maharashtra police? How many more 26/11 to make the NSG’s reach the terror stricken place faster? Still we burn….still we bleed internally… still we make use of the “lathi”… still we are too scared to not to support the naxalites…

How many more Moshe’s? How many more Kasab’s?

Days, months pass without writng a single letter...

more days more months pass...with the burning anger still burning within...

make me courageous...to speak up, to yell, to stand up for, to break free.

make me brave... to do that i want to do.

help me to not to get sucked by the system...

let me be ME. who i was and who i am.

Just another day…

Just another day dawned in my dull drab boring life…

Nothing much to do except play peek-a-boo with the books spread across my desk. Surf on the net. Listen to various sounds around including music, mum’s grinder, dad’s shout, brother’s grunt. And then I happened to watch an advertisement on the not-so –idiot-but-can-turn-you-into-a-lazy-bum box. It was an ad of a chewing gum…centre fresh…the “zubaan pe lagaam!” one… That ad put me into fits of laughter! I was dumb-struck at the astuteness of the person behind the ad! What with the ‘neta’ shouting out to his party members…”samosa kaun? Aur kachori?”. And then I happened to see a live example of the resemblance to the ad…

An emaciated boy was sitting under the traffic light of a near-by crossroad and was trying hard to read his text book. His friends were playing some sort of a game where they found happiness in lifting up a boy and throwing him on top the boy reading his book. He was neither irritated nor did his concentration fail him.

And on the other hand there are the education ministers blabbering about cancelling the boards and introducing ATKT?! They are doing nothing but providing the people around india to debate fruitlessly. Providing me to write a post about it. And giving a chance for the umpteen news channels to hold a debate, discussion blah blah…

Because the real issue is not to reduce the stress from the students, as Chetan Bhagat had said (in one of the debates) “you send your children to schools not to spa’s”. Schooling, appearing for examinations is a part of every student’s life which should be made available and enjoyable…

I don’t know when that boy will be able to relish his book under a proper source of light. I don’t know when the netas watch “the ad” eat centre fresh and get a lagaam on their zubaan.

Just another day for me, that boy under the signal…and for the ever “lets-debate- instead- of-any-action” morons…

It's Raining!!

Finally it rained today!!
We could see some traces of hail too...
it felt so good to stand in my balcony and rather feel the rain!! water spraying on my face and my clothes partially getting wet!! but the best part was watching my neighbor's kid (my best friend at times and my good adviser although she is just 4) getting drenched in the rain and dancing like a maniac. her hair plastered across her forehead. she was barely listening to what her mum was saying...yelling rather. huh...felt so good to watch her. it was as if i was playing in the rain and she was watching me and my mum yelling and me doing the typical rain dance and my friend making paper boats and we splashing in the muddy water!!
first rain of the season...surely it brought so many sweet memories back!! and gave moments of joy to the kid and countless others...
i love rain!!

Traveler

I love traveling. One thing that i realized after coming to engg college is that the thing i always wanted to do was to travel, with friends, adventure group or strange people; like they show on discovery channel! Going to different places, eating their food, interacting with the people...it's kinda fun!
I had been to Jaipur with college people and had an altogether amazing experience.Firstly because 70 of us had boarded the train without confirmed tickets.And secondly because it turned out to be the best part (now that i think about it, at that time...it sucked a bit!). traveling on "waiting list" is a whole new experience...u get to see the other side of the journey. The bathroom doesn't seem that unclean, you get used to stench, the most comfortable seat turns out to be near the door close to the basin! and you manage to sleep on the narrow side berth with at least two people sitting at your legs. you don't even care when your cheek gets stuck to the seat while sleeping( coz u ave nt put any chaddar) you are just happy that after forcing your eyes to stay open for the whole night you have found a flat surface to sleep on...you finally get to stretch your legs. And no matter of the morning sounds that you hear, the cries of children, the chaiwallas, the other "wallas"...you ignore them, you don't get irritated...all you do is sleeeeep...till the confirmed person wakes you up.Then you move on somewhere else where there is space and the journey continues. In between you get to be with your fellow mates...you play with them...chat, eat, talk in code languages, laugh, get down on random stations in the middle of the night, yell when there is a tunnel coming up, get choked by smelling the gas given out by people (as you are so close to the bathroom!). all in all this kinda journey is a must for a student, you actually learn management and the art of talking to people!

Recognition...

my previous posts ave been hard hitting and reality check types...well this one is also going to be equally hard hitting and reality check types... :P
for decades, we have been worshiping the great scientists of the world. The Einsteins, Edisons and others of their kinds...their important work have been recognized (even though not understood) by millions of humans around the globe... they have been flooded with awards, titles and what not. their fame has reached places far and wide...such "star" people! in my colg lingo "pure white sheep"! (its not dat i ave anything against these fine men, i m in no doubt awe of them).
but has anyone (except me and philo) realized that the real credit and recognition of saving mankind should go to the person who has given this world the ultimate and priceless gift of "chivda". i mean how many times have we entered our homes with pangs of hunger and found stupid 'bhaji' on the table? what have we done then... who comes to our rescue? its the underdog...chivda! this delicacy saves us! it can be and is eaten anytime anywhere...while playing cards with friends, wen all the uncles and ur dad are having a peg or two...you go in between the 'mehfil' and have a spoonful of chivda..(this was obviously when you were small, situation can be exchanged as per likes!..:P). when u come home and are frantic to fill your growling stomach..you open the chivda dabba, grab the spoon which has found a permanent dwelling inside it and start hogging till your mother snatches it from you or till your bro wants to have it and fights for it!
have we ever given a thought as to who might have prepared this lovely dish? how the hell did he come up with the right ingredients? i mean he could have gone wrong. i think that the farsans were a result of the chivda recepie which might have had gone wrong. and then one fine day Eureka! chivda came into eternal existence, for the holy act of saving people like me...who can have chivda for breakfast,lunch,dinner,supper...and fillers!kudos for this philanthropist!!
he receives a big hand and what not! hats off to him!! may his likes are born again and again...
(philo thinks this chivda guy was a marwadi person...i think he could be a maharashtrian...who cares, as long as he is not kasab!)

Indian Of The Year...

In the morning, that is late sunday morning, i happened to read Shobhaa De's article in Times...which described the India-Pakistan relations in a lay man's language. Very sarcastically she has written how the "kuttas" of a neighbour are pooping in her flat while her own "kuttas" are fast asleep! And also how a common friend has also failed to solve this problem of hers of restricting her neighbour's dogs from crapping in her beloved home...the neighbour's dogs poop while her own and she herself are fast asleep in her apartment...how aptly this article summarises the pathetic condition of our homeland...just after this,on sunday afternoon i happened to watch "indian of the year" which was aired on CNN-IBN, and i saw how so many people who have made their motherland proud win accolades for their sacrifices...but the point is how many of these "indians of the years" do we have to host who have been badly scarred by the neighbour's "kuttas"? how many indians will we have to sacrifice for some dogs and why?..."indian of the year" also prompted me to think about the slumdogs...the slumdogs who are still slum people but the one who hacve enacted then have no doubt become millionaires..! how proudly we invite the 'goras',show them the 'real' india and they make films out of it...win oscars...become millionaires,a job well done!!
proud or ashamed...is the real question we ask ourselsevs...one dog gives us oscars..the other nominations for "indian of the year", but we fail to realise that by doing this, the dogs continue to poop while we sleep...

Growing Up...

The other day i saw some school boys standing near the end of a lane,not just any lane but a lane which is very close to my heart...the lane in which i traveled for the most beautiful years of my life.
After attending tuition my school friends and me had this habit (which was extremely irritating to the neighbors) of standing near the end of the very lane which i mentioned above.We used to have round table conferences here...even though it was next to a big rubbish bin.not caring,we used to chat here for hours.and after 6 years i see some kids doing the same thing..
Not even in my wildest dreams had i dreamt that i would ever grow up.I mean i never thought that i would ever have to think or act in a grown up way.a childish thought certainly but it was weird to think that one day i would be going to college,weird to think that the people who were so close to your heart will have to leave you.I always thought that everybody whom i liked or who were near to me would never,never leave me.In those times i had this beautiful little small world of my own where i dreamt,lived and thought that things would never change.Life was beautiful,easy,no tensions,only a fun filled blue sky!
It's not that life is not beautiful now.It's not great.kinda sucks sometimes.But remembering the past and practically going down through the memory lane is fun.Gives you a feeling of being a grown up individual.Could be frustrating sometimes but this is what is life people say.Atleast we have got blogs where we can write crappy stuff to empty the mind which is full of some more crappy stuff!

ya...i do not know who i am...but in front of the innocent people who lost their lives in mumbai, the brave soldiers and policemen who laid down their lives for us to be safe in our homes, the children who had no right to lose their dads, mothers their sons for the sake of somebody unknown...i am nothing but an ordinary person who can do nothing but sit in front of the tv, comment, swear on the terrorists and pray dat da ocean really opens up to swallow em ol... Is this what we are living for? It sure is Man Vs. Wild situation, in mumbai. And we the youth of india take pride in calling ourselves "youngistan" and do what? Mere spectators, watching on tv as people bend down to hear if there is any beat of the heart, watching the scared innocent old people who don't even what is wrong with the place,their home; watching as the media flashes photos and videos of dead bodies being pulled, dumped as if the body never had a life within.Who cares if a certain policeman died, but counting the "toll" is important. Terrorism, its nothin but just robbery, stealinga life from a person, stealing from a child his chilhood, stealing form people their sense of security, stealing freedom.What are we becoming...instead of moving ahead..we are taking a step backward...from free india to a india of regional wars...young india to a crippled india where people from anywhere can come, rape and jus go away...
Left is nothing but uncountable sacrifices whose worth dies away with time, fear, insecurity...
I know mumbai and india has this amazing power of recovering...gaining back the spirit but that does not mean that their patience be tested...its high time india and indians set their priorities right and not be just mere spectators.