pop! goes my heart

pop!goes my heart... is the latest song sensation that has gripped me! Not because Hugh Grant has sung it or has danced cutely in the movie (well..but that also could be one of the reasons.. ;) ...anyway...)

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
And I just can't let you go,
I can't lose this feeling.

Thus goes the chorus of the song, which is my favorite part for the sheer reason of the simplicity with which the idea is conveyed...
Because "losing my head" is my favorite sport. Losing my head over the things i have lost and not able to find, losing my head over "what to wear" in college, losing my head in thinking "am i a loser or what?", losing my head when i see a particularly cute "my kind of a guy" with a blonde... and then pop! does go my heart...

And about "falling in love" don't even talk about it. Because that's my second favorite. Be it love for a guy (which is a lot many times! here lies the beauty of pop! going my heart) , be it love for a vacation spot (which i generally never want to leave... be it the awesomness of Gangtok or the sea-breeze of Mumbai... ), be it the non existent college department ( !..i knw!), or be it watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S., attachment is my weakness... and to detach myself from these simple things doesn't only let my heart go pop! but it goes bang! and i really just can't bear this feeling of going, moving away or detaching... (doesn't mean at all that i am a cry baby...coz i m not!) it's just that everytime this happens there is a teeny tiny bubble bursting in my heart and the phenomena of losing my head takes place...

i guess it's a disease or just that i am stupid...

but pop! goes my heart... ;)

Shadow Of the Day

Don't know why but i just love this song...

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

Guess, i have just realised that i am going to miss my college immensely i have switched back to listening Linkin Park songs. They somehow make me nostalgic and the train full of memories runs across my mind...

Relieved...

I wonder who might have got this brain-wave of introducing campus-placement...

Who might be the person who gets to decide the cut-off's, the papers, the college to go, the eligible branches...

"6.75 is an awesome number, let's put that as the cut off; chemical engg...wat the hell is dat...that's not even a branch of engg...lets not make dat branch eligible..." this might be the thought process of a person who must have been a loser in his engg college and who has now come to recruit people...

One veeru is enough for a life time who introduces random cut off's, random conversion factors...

(there is a veeru lyk character in vnit...with the same frown, erratic ism, competitiveness, dark circles around the eyes, and altogether a demon like appearance).

At first i thought i could land up with any company as i was in vnit..then slowly i realized that my branch sucked and that my future was bleak..and then with the recession my hopes were crushed by a bulldozer...

But then slowly companies arrived but the cut off! i still can't believe i couldn't clear it! frustrated, embarrassed, i was spitting fire on the veeru lyk guy frm colg and the one guy who got to decide the cut off's...

Restlessness had become a part of me... constant worry, tension, negative thoughts made me paranoid. i slept with a calculator each night so that at least i could clear my cut off in my dreams...

But then the day arrived... God appeared in the form of a prof...helped me clear my cut off (i was stuck behind it... dat cut off number had imprisoned me) and made me "eligible" for TCS.

Then TCS came... apti:-cake-walk... Ti-interesting, HR- INTERESTING... and anki was through... not ecstatic, not over the cloud, nothing..no feeling..was devoid of all the emotions...just relieved!

Was so relieved to have broken the cut off's shackles that even the fact that TCS had offered me a job, all i wanted to do was to have a good night's sleep without the calculator...

i felt equally relieved as the person who gets to pee after he has tortured his bladder for quite a few hours in a windy weather...

TCS is not great... but hey! i am employed now... i have crossed the bridge... people have asked for parties... relatives are faking "happy"... free advices are being thrown... grandparents are telling the story... mum-dad still can't sink in the fact... bro is demanding... and all i can do is heave a great sigh of relief!

Thank you pinky-who took my Ti, Baldy-who took my HR, my prof- who released me from the cut off prison... huh!

An Year to the Day...

A year to the day… A year to the burning Taj… A year to the heart wrenching CST photos…

A year to my blog…

Something’s having changed…some not…

Moshe is a year older… he has been orphaned for a year now… caring tears have flown out for him…

Kasab is a year older… he has been repudiated by his parents now… angry, loathsome tears have flown out for him…

Millions candles have been burnt… thousands SMSes have been sent… gatherings in whites… parades in crisps… Numerous salutes… firings in the air… debate by intellectuals… blogs by fellow bloggers…

In spite of all this what stares back at us? A wounded country… a lost bullet proof jacket… ghosts of the past… kasab in jail… inclement terrorists… restless blood hungry youth… patient diplomatic geopolitical leaders…

What about Moshe? What about justice? What about the Maharashtra police? How many more 26/11 to make the NSG’s reach the terror stricken place faster? Still we burn….still we bleed internally… still we make use of the “lathi”… still we are too scared to not to support the naxalites…

How many more Moshe’s? How many more Kasab’s?

Days, months pass without writng a single letter...

more days more months pass...with the burning anger still burning within...

make me courageous...to speak up, to yell, to stand up for, to break free.

make me brave... to do that i want to do.

help me to not to get sucked by the system...

let me be ME. who i was and who i am.

Just another day…

Just another day dawned in my dull drab boring life…

Nothing much to do except play peek-a-boo with the books spread across my desk. Surf on the net. Listen to various sounds around including music, mum’s grinder, dad’s shout, brother’s grunt. And then I happened to watch an advertisement on the not-so –idiot-but-can-turn-you-into-a-lazy-bum box. It was an ad of a chewing gum…centre fresh…the “zubaan pe lagaam!” one… That ad put me into fits of laughter! I was dumb-struck at the astuteness of the person behind the ad! What with the ‘neta’ shouting out to his party members…”samosa kaun? Aur kachori?”. And then I happened to see a live example of the resemblance to the ad…

An emaciated boy was sitting under the traffic light of a near-by crossroad and was trying hard to read his text book. His friends were playing some sort of a game where they found happiness in lifting up a boy and throwing him on top the boy reading his book. He was neither irritated nor did his concentration fail him.

And on the other hand there are the education ministers blabbering about cancelling the boards and introducing ATKT?! They are doing nothing but providing the people around india to debate fruitlessly. Providing me to write a post about it. And giving a chance for the umpteen news channels to hold a debate, discussion blah blah…

Because the real issue is not to reduce the stress from the students, as Chetan Bhagat had said (in one of the debates) “you send your children to schools not to spa’s”. Schooling, appearing for examinations is a part of every student’s life which should be made available and enjoyable…

I don’t know when that boy will be able to relish his book under a proper source of light. I don’t know when the netas watch “the ad” eat centre fresh and get a lagaam on their zubaan.

Just another day for me, that boy under the signal…and for the ever “lets-debate- instead- of-any-action” morons…

It's Raining!!

Finally it rained today!!
We could see some traces of hail too...
it felt so good to stand in my balcony and rather feel the rain!! water spraying on my face and my clothes partially getting wet!! but the best part was watching my neighbor's kid (my best friend at times and my good adviser although she is just 4) getting drenched in the rain and dancing like a maniac. her hair plastered across her forehead. she was barely listening to what her mum was saying...yelling rather. huh...felt so good to watch her. it was as if i was playing in the rain and she was watching me and my mum yelling and me doing the typical rain dance and my friend making paper boats and we splashing in the muddy water!!
first rain of the season...surely it brought so many sweet memories back!! and gave moments of joy to the kid and countless others...
i love rain!!