Can't say bye.

Why can't we get all the people together in the world that we really like and then just stay together? I guess that wouldn't work.
Someone would leave.
Someone always leaves.
Then we would have to say good-bye.
I hate good-byes.
I know what I need. I need more hellos. -Charles M. Schulz

He has said the exact same words which keep bobbing up and down in my mind whenever i have to leave a friend to another city..another world..

Every time i say "bye" a dementor swoops over sucking the soul out of me. Tears dry up somewhere, and what is left within is a hollow feeling, a frightened heart, an emptiness. The train leaves to another station, the whole world moves ahead and i am still there, refusing to step forward without my friend. What remains with me is only the echoes of our endless mirthful laughter, our unadulterated joy, our innocence, our child-like talks; unaware of the ghosts that await us, the monsters waiting to divide us...

Unlimited talktime can help but can never create the magic that is weaved when friends are together... come back dear friend..come back.

The Black One..

The Black One refers to my newly purchased Spanish Guitar with F-curve holes.. wait..did i just write this in small uninteresting letters?? Well, i must be stupid then!
Because now me..yeah me.. is the co- owner (unfortunately it is also co-owned by my brother) of this gifted musical instrument! :D
Back in school my best friend and I had this dream...oops, these dreams... that we had promised each other we would make them come true before we die... kinda like the bucket-list.. It included stuff like flying a plane, bungee jumping, going for a road trip, owning an island, smacking someone hard on the face esp when that person is an excruciating- pain- in -the- neck,playing in a band.. well these are not exactly "dreams" dreams... but we had promised each other we would make these little things happen!
But then distance separated us... kilometers came in between..and we were no longer conjoined.
Why do i always wander away from the topic? Anyway, due to intense boredom and a real REAL enthusiasm to learn a guitar (and the fact that my bro's guitar lessons..his emotional atyachar..) let me to buy this awesome piece... and it has caused sort of a verbal fight between me and my best friend (even though she is in the rasgulla land). yeah,i had told her we would be learning guitar together, but we were kids that time.. we dint mean it.. :P
And now here i am all set to learn guitar from my kid brother... who has given me initial exercise of "up down" and finger exercise on the frets..and it has made me realize..IT'S NOT THAT EASY AS IT LOOKS... i had just seen people with curly open hair,tongues out, moving their fingers in rapid action and it had led me to thinking... hey, those long- hair-tongue-out guys can do it..it must be a piece of cake... BUT NO!... i have suddenly realized how disproportionate my fingers are! they are short, stubby, not at all flexible...and running my fingers on the strings gives roughness and scratches... ugh! and while practicing i do take out my tongue in concentration and look super uncool! (now i know the reason behind the tongues out! :P )
And whenever i think of giving up... the Black One leans on the the wall and winks at me... and i start all over again! many people (guys) say guitar is their best friend (esp after a gal has ditched them) and my brother is following their lead... hmm. But right now all i m focusing on "happy birthday 2 u", "old mac Donald had a farm" and "dhoom machale" and my long term goals are "summer of 69" and some other songs..i hope i will be able to play soon...

I am planning to give a name to the Black One... something respectable like "Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington" or something ultra-Marathi like "wamanrao" or something common like "Bob"...
I guess Black One will be fine for now...

P.S. : i love my first 6-string :) tongue out! :P and rock sign! \m/

pop! goes my heart

pop!goes my heart... is the latest song sensation that has gripped me! Not because Hugh Grant has sung it or has danced cutely in the movie (well..but that also could be one of the reasons.. ;) ...anyway...)

I said I wasn't gonna lose my head, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
I wasn't gonna fall in love again, but then
POP! Goes my heart.
And I just can't let you go,
I can't lose this feeling.

Thus goes the chorus of the song, which is my favorite part for the sheer reason of the simplicity with which the idea is conveyed...
Because "losing my head" is my favorite sport. Losing my head over the things i have lost and not able to find, losing my head over "what to wear" in college, losing my head in thinking "am i a loser or what?", losing my head when i see a particularly cute "my kind of a guy" with a blonde... and then pop! does go my heart...

And about "falling in love" don't even talk about it. Because that's my second favorite. Be it love for a guy (which is a lot many times! here lies the beauty of pop! going my heart) , be it love for a vacation spot (which i generally never want to leave... be it the awesomness of Gangtok or the sea-breeze of Mumbai... ), be it the non existent college department ( !..i knw!), or be it watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S., attachment is my weakness... and to detach myself from these simple things doesn't only let my heart go pop! but it goes bang! and i really just can't bear this feeling of going, moving away or detaching... (doesn't mean at all that i am a cry baby...coz i m not!) it's just that everytime this happens there is a teeny tiny bubble bursting in my heart and the phenomena of losing my head takes place...

i guess it's a disease or just that i am stupid...

but pop! goes my heart... ;)

Shadow Of the Day

Don't know why but i just love this song...

I close both locks below the window
I close both blinds and turn away

Sometimes solutions aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

In cards and flowers on your window
Your friends all plead for you to stay

Sometimes beginnings aren't so simple
Sometimes good bye's the only way

And the sun will set for you
The sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

And the shadow of the day
Will embrace the world in grey

And the sun will set for you

Guess, i have just realised that i am going to miss my college immensely i have switched back to listening Linkin Park songs. They somehow make me nostalgic and the train full of memories runs across my mind...

Relieved...

I wonder who might have got this brain-wave of introducing campus-placement...

Who might be the person who gets to decide the cut-off's, the papers, the college to go, the eligible branches...

"6.75 is an awesome number, let's put that as the cut off; chemical engg...wat the hell is dat...that's not even a branch of engg...lets not make dat branch eligible..." this might be the thought process of a person who must have been a loser in his engg college and who has now come to recruit people...

One veeru is enough for a life time who introduces random cut off's, random conversion factors...

(there is a veeru lyk character in vnit...with the same frown, erratic ism, competitiveness, dark circles around the eyes, and altogether a demon like appearance).

At first i thought i could land up with any company as i was in vnit..then slowly i realized that my branch sucked and that my future was bleak..and then with the recession my hopes were crushed by a bulldozer...

But then slowly companies arrived but the cut off! i still can't believe i couldn't clear it! frustrated, embarrassed, i was spitting fire on the veeru lyk guy frm colg and the one guy who got to decide the cut off's...

Restlessness had become a part of me... constant worry, tension, negative thoughts made me paranoid. i slept with a calculator each night so that at least i could clear my cut off in my dreams...

But then the day arrived... God appeared in the form of a prof...helped me clear my cut off (i was stuck behind it... dat cut off number had imprisoned me) and made me "eligible" for TCS.

Then TCS came... apti:-cake-walk... Ti-interesting, HR- INTERESTING... and anki was through... not ecstatic, not over the cloud, nothing..no feeling..was devoid of all the emotions...just relieved!

Was so relieved to have broken the cut off's shackles that even the fact that TCS had offered me a job, all i wanted to do was to have a good night's sleep without the calculator...

i felt equally relieved as the person who gets to pee after he has tortured his bladder for quite a few hours in a windy weather...

TCS is not great... but hey! i am employed now... i have crossed the bridge... people have asked for parties... relatives are faking "happy"... free advices are being thrown... grandparents are telling the story... mum-dad still can't sink in the fact... bro is demanding... and all i can do is heave a great sigh of relief!

Thank you pinky-who took my Ti, Baldy-who took my HR, my prof- who released me from the cut off prison... huh!